Alright, here's my rundown of the week.

I went to the movies with Christy, Kayla, Cory, and Crystal Friday night. It was fun. We all had fun. I stayed the night at Kayla's Friday night. Saturday both Kayla and I ran into some issues at her house that I'd rather not mention. They're her business, I don't have the right to say anyhting. So we went to her aunt's house for a few hours. I stayed the night again and we had a nice heart to heart chat until three in the morning. We found out some things, confessed some things and just spilled out our guts to each other for both comfort and just to say it all. so we're closer friends than we were before. It'll last longer than most of my friendships.

Sunday night it all went downhill. I called up Michael and left him a message telling him he needed to grow up. He texted me. Wimp. Anyways. what it all boiled down to was that he led me on for over a year. Lied to me. Didn't really want to date me at all. So he kissed me and ignored me, hoping that I'd give up on him so he didn't have to break my heart. he said that he knew I would want to try to date so he made it seem as if we were. I cried my eyes out. Not because I liked him or anything, but because I fell for it. Because I thought I had liked him before. He lied. I could almost feel it as he kissed me before. but I denied it. I also cried because I was afraid. Afraid of being controlled by my age and maturity. Being controlled by being naive.

Monday morning I texted Techno and told him I was about to give up. He didn't let me explain. I told him what had happened the night before with Michael and that I was in peices. his response was, "Well, you shouldn't fucking like another guys while you like me!" So that just made it worse. I told him i was afraid that I would just get hurt again. So I burst into tears in the middle of PE class (of course). He kept saying things like "i guess what they said was true." What I found out from Joe was that Cody and Dylan had been talking crap about me to him. Saying that I was the sort of person who wants everyone to feel sorry for her and I cry until I get what I want. I don't! I don't need pity or sympathy. every now and then I need a hug from a good friend or somethign of the sort. But I don't need people to feel sorry for me. It's fucking degrading! So Techno hates me and Dylan is ticked off at me and Cody is just making my life hell! After crying my eyes out in Mrs. Shafer's room (I got out of PE and the counselor's weren't at school.) I went and found Cody and asked him what he told Techno. It was calm. But he kept denying it and kept telling me he didn't have a phone. So I ended up yelling and almost crying again. i don't deserve to be treated liek that. Especially from him.

Kayla saw me talking to Cody. After lunch she told me "Mary, don't you cry again. I'll have to go kick Cody's ass if you do."

So I've been emo-ish all week. And I keep thinking thoughts i shouldn't. And It's horrible. I found myself looking for something really sharp and smooth this morning. I caught myself and walked out of the kitchen and went outside to wait for the bus. I need to tell Crystal. she needs to slap me.